


can't live like that

by g0ryllama



Series: Give Me All Your Kisses (The Birds and The Bees) [4]
Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Allusions to previous sexual escapades, Angst, Arguing, M/M, Requited Love goes wrong goes angry, Unhealthy Relationships, disaster men, love confession gone wrong, or - Freeform, they break up before they even get together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 09:03:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19943599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g0ryllama/pseuds/g0ryllama
Summary: Joxter stares at Moomin for long enough to make him uncomfortable. Or at least he hopes. "You can't seriously be asking that of me."The tension in the bedroom is thick enough to choke him. He needs to leave.





	can't live like that

**Author's Note:**

> Oof. I needed to write out how I envisioned the 'confession' mentioned in [their discussion of their past in this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19345228) went, and why it went badly.
> 
> It's not pretty. They aren't a paragon of a healthy relationship. Some things are said that may seem a little... Manipulative? But neither of them are at fault particularly, they're just emotional. It gets better when they're older! But as youngsters they are bad at this 'love' thing.

Joxter could tell something was on the moomin's mind. He'd been quiet all day, which is certainly unusual for him, and wouldn't make eye contact with him, no matter what he did. 

He's not the type to ask, so he doesn't. 

If he can avoid a confrontation then all well and good; he'd rather not have to put in the effort of trying to sort it out. 

But after dinner, Moomin pulls him into his bedroom without so much as an explanation, shutting and locking the door, and Joxter feels a dark cloud creeping in over his thoughts; a foreboding. He _still_ won't meet his eyes, and there's a nervous energy about him that feels way too uncharacteristic. 

Joxter perches on the edge of the bed, unsure of whether Moomin intends to chew him out over something or ask something difficult of him. The silence grows until it becomes another person in the room, stifling and awkward and unwelcome. 

"... I'm in love." Moomin turns to face him then, and it's the first time their eyes have met all day. The words are simple enough, clear and definite. Joxter thinks of the young Moominmaiden his friend rescued from the sea a few days ago and wonders how on earth he could possibly be in love already. 

Although, he himself was rather easily captivated by the mymble at the party, but it's not love, not yet. "Congratulations?" 

Brown eyes narrow at him then, and Joxter feels a jolt of something he isn't used to experiencing. "You fool, why are you congratulating me?" 

"Well if you'd explain, maybe I'd know." 

The tension grows, and Joxter thinks idly that maybe he's said the wrong thing. But then Moomin sits next to him, and suddenly his foreboding increases. 

"I didn't realise until I rescued Moominmaiden," he begins, and Joxter settles in for what he's sure is going to be another long monologue. "What love felt like. Maybe because I wanted to ignore it, or maybe because I had just never been told before, or maybe because it was so gradual that the only thing that could make me realise was a catalyst such as her." 

The mumrik nods idly, fine with where his story is going so far. 

"I thought I'd never felt it before. The whole time we've been adventuring, with the Oshun Oxtra and then here, on the island, I've been searching for someone to cherish as mine… Desperate to feel that _something_ I knew was out there…" 

Joxter swallows audibly, and Moomin looks away. "Sounds awful." 

"It is. Have you ever been in love, Jox?" 

And everything clicks. He may not be the absolute smartest person (after all, why should he try? Too much effort), but he can be pretty observant if he wants to be. There's a softness in Moomin's voice that wasn't there before when he says his nickname, quiet and reverent. Joxter hopes he's wrong, but at the same time…

"... Yes," he might as well be honest. "It really is awful." 

He thinks of dark, candlelit ship bedrooms, and the bush on the outskirts of the wedding party, and paws grabbing his with such an enthusiastic fervour that it infects even him, a lazy joxter. He thinks of how differently his appreciation of Moomin feels to his connection to Muddler, even if there are hundreds of similarities. 

"Awful…" Moomin repeats, and Joxter can't take much more of it. He stands and tries to look casual as he swipes the myriad of paper pages off the top of the desk so he can curl up on it. Maybe he'll be able to fall asleep to avoid the coming conversation. "Awful how long I've actually been staring it in the face for so long I didn't realise? Awful how it took falling in love with another to realise I was already in love?" 

"Mhmm. Truly awful." He pretends to yawn, and ignores the angry huff from the moomin. He doesn't _want_ to talk about it. 

Paws slam onto the desk near his face, and all Joxter can think of is how they felt around his waist as the other slid into him just the other night. It doesn't help the situation at all. "Or maybe awful how you refuse to actually _listen_ to what I'm saying." 

"It'll end badly, Moomin. Don't let it." 

"You don't know that, Joxter," he says, and then he's visibly braving himself up for something, and there's no escape anymore. "I love _you_." 

"... And I love you too, but it won't _work_." Joxter hisses between gritted teeth, sliding off the desk to the side and around to the other side of the moomin so he doesn't feel trapped. 

"Why not? We can make it work." 

"What about Moominmaiden?" 

His friend looks genuinely confused for a moment before narrowing his eyes. "She has nothing to do with this. I can love more than one person, you know."

"Maybe you can, but would she be okay with that?" 

"Joxter you don't care about that!" 

"No you're right, I don't." 

"Then what's the issue?" 

Joxter feels his toes begin to numb from how genuinely panicked he feels, and he hates it. "If you don't know, then that's the issue." 

Moomin frowns, stepping forward, and Joxter steps back in response. He holds his paws out placatingly, but it's not helping. "How can I know if you won't tell me?" 

"Okay fine. Your version of love is to keep, yes? To have someone be yours for the rest of your days, to live with and settle down with and get married to and have kids with and _stagnate_ ," Joxter knows how angry he sounds, but finds he doesn't quite care. "Whereas I want to love and still be free. You won't let me be free." 

"Oh and that's a problem? You can't compromise?" Moomin's voice isn't friendly either, a sneer, ugly and judgemental. He doesn't even defend himself after Joxter's scathing insult, and that tells him all he needs to know.

"A compromise is not me bending to your will! I might enjoy getting told what to do when you're fucking me, but love is different." 

"Just try! Just settle down for some time! You don't like adventure that much unless it sweeps you up, what is so bad about staying in one place for a while?" 

Joxter stares at Moomin for long enough to make him uncomfortable. Or at least he hopes. "You can't seriously be asking that of me." 

The tension in the bedroom is thick enough to choke him. He needs to leave. 

"Joxter I-" 

He turns and places a hand on the door knob. "No," there's a silent kind of heat laced into the word delicately, giving it so much more meaning than it should have. It's a response for more than just a denial to hear Moomin's side of the story. "You seriously think you know me well enough to know what's best for me? You want to keep me for yourself?" 

"I didn't say that!" 

"You don't have to! You're a selfish prick, Moomin!" The door swings open, and he doesn't look back as he leaves. "Enjoy your boring little future." 

The door slams shut behind him, and tears fall from his eyes, and he _hates_ something other than rules and Park Keepers for the first time. 

The mymble accepts him into her house easily, and he knows he can trust her to let him wander. The safety he feels with her only accentuates the hundreds of ways Moomin would try to change him to fit a mould he created. 

Today is the day Joxter learns that love and resentment coexist way too well for his liking.

**Author's Note:**

> So they basically had their first domestic argument before they even started going out, amazing.
> 
> It's so rushed because pacing lads. We're not meant to understand everything, I've got plans for more of their tied to you canon interactions that would be ruined if I delve too deep now.
> 
> Also sorry if there's any confusion about names, Moomin is Moominpappa cause Moomintroll hasn't been born yet


End file.
